Military Bathrooms - An Army aviation battalion built a Gucci bathroom at Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Washington - not pictured. (Incorporated by AP/Canva)
A group of law enforcement officers at Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Washington, gained notoriety last week after sharing their hangar bathroom for the WTF moment in the US Army.
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The 2-158 Assault Helicopter Battalion toilet lacked many of the amenities soldiers know and love about most Army bathrooms - the familiar wash glow from flickering fluorescent lights; Rusty, broken hand soap dispensers; suspicious puddles; And colored ceiling tiles that inspire questions you don't want answers to.
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Instead, the wet, hostile, freezing infantrymen stuck on the grounds of the Yakima Training Area have what the damned pilots imagine: a mood-lit "Alaskan lodge" lounge, paintings on the walls, an array of hand soaps and air fresheners. . There's put-put green, a taupe backsplash and classic rock blaring from the CD clock radio.
A wooden Canada goose looks at what is the Army's most bougie general-use toilet April 19, 2022, at Joint Base Lewis-McChord in Washington. (Army/Captain Kyle Abraham)
Army Times tracked down the 16th Combat Aviation Brigade Chief Warrant Officer 2 and held the mastermind behind the operation. The soldier is a former infantry NCO who once worked for an international luxury hotel chain - "If it's not the Four Seasons, it's this other company."
"I regularly used a granite counter top bathroom with a separate stall that had linens and running water, you know, all the kinds of things you bring to work in a place like that," she said. "And then I joined the [infantry]."
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The now-warranted officer, a Black Hawk pilot, asked in a telephone interview that the Army Times withheld his name so that a news article about the unit's bogie bath wouldn't be a top Google result for his name. We reluctantly agreed.
As they approach the door, potential restroom users at the Delta Company, 2-158th Assault Helicopter Battalion hangar are greeted with greenery and attractive mood lighting. (Army/Captain Kyle Abraham)
"I don't want to be called the bathroom guy for the rest of my career," he admitted. "But this whole idea of trying to make this place a little bit better every day — and the next guys after my group leave here to enjoy it — is a really cool thing."
"If you do this in an infantry company, someone will find a way to break everything," he explained.
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Brigade Public Affairs Officer, Capt. Kyle Abraham, however, gets no such anonymity, and will have to deal with it forever in his Google history. He described the restroom as what happens when "Soldiers are proud of their unit and proud of where they work."
The project began last fall when the battalion pilot mafia realized they would be spoiled for occasional visits to first-class facilities at other airports in the region.
A painting of a wolf in a 2-158 Assault Helicopter Battalion toilet keeps a close watch over the facility. Legend has it that an expert left a used paper towel on the floor. (Army/Captain Kyle Abraham)
"They fly people in and out of there on private jets," the police officer explained. "And then you have all these embarrassing army guys coming in and out, drinking all the coffee and eating the snacks."
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A realization and two rules set the project in motion, he said: "We also have to have nice things ... [but] everything that goes in the bathroom - it has to be free."
The second rule? "It should be classy," said the pilot. He said he vetoed some items that "didn't fit the atmosphere we were trying to create."
"Someone would put a wicker chair in there and it just wouldn't go in," he explained. - It looks like cheap patio furniture, and we won't have it there.
Over time, listings on Facebook Marketplace and other sites coalesced into a cohesive theme — an "Alaskan hunting cabin," as the policeman described it.
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"He did exactly what you'd think a brigadier sergeant would do," the pilot explained. "He turned the [fluorescent] lights back on and immediately within a few minutes the next person would automatically turn the lights off."
Manned by officers from the 2-158 Attack Helicopter Battalion at Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Washington, this bathroom is a strange pride for the 16th Combat Aviation Brigade. (Army/Captain Kyle Abraham)
That fight continued for about a month, he said. But each time he added that "for the last three or four months ... everything is as it should be - the music is on, the lights are on, the lights are on and everything is peaceful".
Meanwhile, the battalion formally designated one of its certifying pilots as the facility's "janitor chief," responsible for establishing a housekeeping roster—dominated by the unit's officers.
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Abraham explained that the hangar with latrine is one of the brigade's newest facilities, so it usually hosts standing meetings, special events and special visitors.
The 2-158 Assault Helicopter Battalion's famous restroom at Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Washington, is located in a hangar that houses some of Delta Company's helicopters, pictured here April 19, 2022. (Army/Capt. Kyle Abraham)
The law officer emphasized that "everyone from a freshman to the [I Corps] commander can use the bathroom—it's not an officer-only lounge or anything like that."
He said some general officers at the post had visited and his brigade commander would give the facility "a glowing review".
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When asked what the next target upgrade was, the pilot said the unit was trying to build a collection of CDs for the clock radio and a small shelf to organize them.
"So anyone willing to donate a CD - maybe an old Kenny G CD or something like that - that would be great," he said. Army Times has yet to find a representative for Kenny G to facilitate contact.
Asked if he had any moral conflict about triggering a possible arms race, the pilot noted that he "didn't lose sleep over it."
"It will be a worse arms race," he said. "If anything, it will only have a positive impact on the aviation community."
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Editor's note: The author of this story, Davis Winkey, originally wanted to say "shit" in the title. His editor overruled him, but he wants you all to know that he accepted the new title under protest.
Davis Winkie is a senior correspondent covering the military, specializing in accountability reporting, personnel issues and military justice. He joined Military Times in 2020. Davis studied history at Vanderbilt University and UNC-Chapel Hill, and wrote a master's thesis on how Cold War defenses influenced Hollywood's World War II films.
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